I just got an e-mail from a Facebook friend--who meant well--about not posting sad status updates, because it's been a year and I should be getting over it by now. There was more to it than that, and his heart was totally in the right place, but I'm really getting sick of all the people who want me to just magically feel better. And in the absence of magically feeling better, apparently I am supposed to repress all my pain and PRETEND I feel better, no matter what.
I think this will make THEM feel better, because emotional pain scares people. They don't know how to help it, so they'd rather not have to know about it.
I'll tell you what DOESN'T help: telling me to "buck up" and "focus on the positive" and all the other cliches I keep hearing. It doesn't help to hear from happily married 30-year-olds (and younger) how my time is coming, and that I'm awesome, and some guy is just gonna lose his mind when he hears me sing some day... I've been hearing it for too long, and it's not happened. The one guy I ever got was a long time coming, and he didn't find me worth fighting for. It's not like there's been a line out the door of men wanting to help make me feel better in the aftermath...
So I kind of wish everyone would just shut up. Which is exactly why this is an anonymous blog that only one of my friends knows about.
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4 comments:
Just a few comments that sprung to my mind... no urging you to buck up or feel better.
1) As Teri Garr's character said in Tootsie, "I read The Second Sex! I read The Cinderella Complex! I am responsible for my own orgasm. I don't care about I love you. I'M JUST GOING TO FEEL THIS WAY UNTIL I DON"T FEEL THIS WAY ANYMORE!!"
(Pause) "So tell me, are those REAL chocolate covered cherries?"
2) And yes, don't underestimate the power of the weather. It's HUGE. I have noticed this all my life and maybe because I was "acting" for so much of it and into the sense memory stuff. The weather brings up a lot of feelings - especially in New England. I've also noticed that radio stations (who listens to radio any more?) play songs seasonally, too, probably based on when they were top hits.
3) You're an excellent writer.
4) Am I the "only friend who knows about" this blog? Way cool for ME! Thank you!! I'm touched. I know it's because I was the first to ask, but still...
Actually, there is one other person who religiously has followed my other blogs and made it known that she was disappointed any time I didn't have anything new... so there's a grand total of two of you! (P.S. I only deleted the first posting of this comment because I spelled "new" with a "k" at the beginning! Doh!)
I think the only thing you should feel sorry about is why a breakup that can cause pain for a year has nutured a good blues song.
Weekly I watch a woman friend of mine coping with the loss of her baby who was 26 years old when she died in the back seat of a car accident... 7 hours away from home. She too is an Office addict... it's starting to make her smile a little. I've hugged her more in the last month than I ever thought I would in my entire life... so her's a little on line (((((((((hug)))))))))
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